Lifestyle Events 101
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PREMIUM
Webinar hosted by Lauren Hayes of SWINGINGCOACH
You've got the trip booked and the bags packed, but are you actually set up to enjoy it? In this session, Lauren shares her no-fluff guide to lifestyle events: how to prep with your partner beforehand, how to navigate the energy once you're there, and how to come home and actually process what happened (instead of crashing back into real life). Real talk, real tools, zero fluff.
The Three Types of Lifestyle Events
Lauren sorts lifestyle events into three buckets. The first is resorts, such as Desire in Mexico and Hedonism II in Jamaica. She describes Temptation as "lifestyle adjacent." The second is hotel or club takeovers, like the annual three-hotel Naughty in N'awlins takeover in New Orleans, or Swinger Society's weekend takeover of The Sanctuary club in Salt Lake City, which features Friday and Saturday night parties plus a daytime meet-and-greet. Other organizers she mentioned include Tom's Trips, On the Border in Oklahoma, and Plush and Splash in California. She noted that she is not an affiliate of any of them. The third bucket is swinger cruises, including Bliss, Fantasy Connections, and the cruises run by Desire and Temptation.
To find events, Lauren suggests following local clubs, clubs a couple would like to visit, or organizing groups. She believes preparing for all three types of events is largely the same process.
In her experience, takeovers are the wildest, followed by cruises, then resorts. Takeovers feel "crazier" because people cram everything into one or two nights, while resorts spread the same nightly parties across a longer stay.
Why Big Events Are a Great Place to Start
Lauren says large events aren't an "advanced" step. They're actually a great entry point, since newcomers can be a "fly on the wall" in a big crowd. She estimates about half the couples there don't play with others at all. Some just watch or show off, while others head back to their room together.
Counterintuitively, she sees house parties and one-on-one dates as the more advanced moves. A house party "can turn into a sex party in a minute," and with only seven couples there, you might not vibe with anyone.
Many events also offer classes, and Lauren says Naughty in N'awlins has the biggest education component. One attendee greeted her one morning with, "Oh my God, so good. I got just railed last night," a perfect taste of its candid "all swingers all the time" vibe.
She also recalled a brand-new couple who grabbed a last-minute room at the sold-out event and, thanks to coaching beforehand, had a safe, fun time.
Packing, Costumes, and Themed Nights
Despite how little clothing people wear at these events, Lauren insists that "packing is a thing" and deserves real planning. Guests may be nude much of the time, especially in Jamaica, yet dinners call for "swinger dressy" attire, which is dressier than a typical vanilla restaurant, along with shoes. After dinner, guests change into a party costume, often with more shoes. As she put it, "This is why you end up taking ginormous suitcases to places where you wear very little clothes."
Themed parties happen nightly at resorts, cruises, and takeovers, so plan and order costumes well in advance. Glow night is the most popular swinger theme, and since themes repeat across events, new attendees can invest in staple costumes and wear them again and again.
Connect Before You Go
Lauren encourages couples to join event membership sites and apps before they travel. These work like event-specific dating apps. They may cost extra for a month or two, but she believes the investment is worthwhile for pre-arranging drinks and meetups.
She shared how this kind of connection can pay off. She and her husband, who describe themselves as introverts, met an extroverted couple at Naughty in New Orleans and discovered they would both be at the same Jamaican resort. When Lauren and her husband arrived, the other couple greeted them in the pool with "here's all your friends" and introduced them to everyone.
Knowing even one couple who is going makes an event "100 times better," Lauren said, because they can introduce you to others. Showing up cold can feel awkward, particularly for shy people, who may find parties harder than resorts. For a first trip to Hedonism, traveling with a group is a great idea, since groups offer built-in people to talk to and make plans with, plus side trips.
Aligning on Expectations, Boundaries, and Agreements
Lauren urges couples to discuss expectations, boundaries and agreements before the event, even if the conversation happens on the plane or in the car. Experienced couples benefit from a quick 30-second check-in as well, because "assuming is no bueno."
In her view, most relationship breakdowns at events come from missed expectations. Partners are more likely to fulfill each other's fantasies when those fantasies have been voiced.
Pace Yourselves and Check In Often
"Pace yourselves" was a recurring theme. Lauren warns couples not to go so hard the first night that they miss the next day's meet-and-greet. Naughty in New Orleans runs about five days, so she suggests reviewing the schedule together and planning downtime and naps. On her last trip, she skipped that downtime and enjoyed herself less by the end.
That goes for drinking and sex too. On her first Hedonism trip, she was "shut down" and sore by day six. Since agreements can shift in the moment, she recommends daily check-ins about what's working and what each partner wants more or less of.
Breaking the Ice and Meeting New People
For a shy couple who struggle to talk to people at a local clothing-optional resort, Lauren's go-to suggestion was compliments. Complimenting someone's hair, body, or clothes at clothed venues is an easy opener, as is asking, "Where are you guys from?" The response quickly shows whether people want to chat or are enjoying some downtime. As for the anxiety before approaching someone, her advice is simple: "do it anyway."
At Hedonism and Desire, the pool and hot tubs are the best places to meet people, and at Hedonism the hot tub is right by the pool. Standing in the pool and looking around often means not being approached, so Lauren encourages couples to put on their "extraversion panties," or "big person panties," and introduce themselves.
Why Chemistry for Four Takes Persistence
Lauren explained why "chemistry for four" is so hard to find. Each person in the two couples has to connect with two people rather than one, and every added connection makes a full match less likely. A single attendee noted they have "half the stresses," and Lauren agreed, pointing out that singles only need two people to click rather than the "elusive four-way match."
To a married listener whose wife is on the "hotwife path," Lauren confirmed that it is harder for men to find female partners than for women to find male partners. She called this a lifestyle dynamic and encouraged him not to take it personally. Her core advice, which she repeated throughout the session, is to be persistent, avoid taking dry spells or mismatches personally, and not get discouraged.
Staying Healthy and Debriefing After the Trip
A clear STI testing protocol makes all the difference. Test as close to departure as possible, then again at least two weeks after returning, not sooner. Test all relevant sites and use protection. Keep your results on your phone, since many people require proof of testing.
Home testing kits make this easy, and the most comprehensive ones cover every site, including blood and urine, and email results as a PDF. Order kits for both partners, ideally on a subscription. It's also worth reading up on vaginal health to stay comfortable on high-activity trips.
Once home, plan a post-trip debrief. Talk about how the trip matched your expectations and what you each want more or less of, so the next one's even better.
Original webinar was live-streamed on SDC.com on Friday, July 17th, 2026
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