Tantra Q&A and Tantra Love Retreat Explained

Webinar hosted by Justin Gottlieb of TANTRALOVECOACH


Justin helps answer everything you want to know about Tantra which is a way to deepen your relationship, create more depth in sex, and live a more free and easeful life. You’ll also get to learn about the Tantra Love Retreat and what happens at a clothing optional Tantra retreat.

Meet Justin Gottlieb, Sexual Freedom Coach

Justin is 43, originally from New York, and has been based in Miami for 12 years. He coined the title "sexual freedom coach" because "tantric practitioner" tended to confuse people. His work spans tantric massage, coaching, events, and the Tantra Love Retreat, all under his brand Elevated Intimacy, which focuses on creating elevated experiences around intimacy.

His path here was not a straight line. He was once a corporate guy in finance and sales who lived in Manhattan for a decade. A personal development experience sparked a spiritual awakening that moved him from feeling "robotic" and emotionally unavailable to being vulnerable and feeling again. As "a man who never cried," being moved to tears at a workshop was deeply powerful for him. He has also been in the lifestyle, exploring non-monogamy and sexual freedom, for about 20 years.

Interestingly, Justin once saw tantra as dogmatic and almost religious, with required beliefs and clothing, which felt like just another box after corporate life. Today he sees it as expansion and exploration, a way of living free from trauma, conditioning, and indoctrination so he can "be my own northern light... my own compass." His personal arc moved from healing and acceptance to experimenting, embodying, mastering, and finally teaching. He chose tantra because it addresses "the mind, the body, and the spirit," something he considers rare.

What Tantra Really Is: Four Pillars

Justin joked that tantra "probably has the worst marketing department in the world." It is a 3,000-year-old teaching with roughly 15 definitions, and it is such a broad umbrella topic that no single definition captures it. He teaches neo-tantra, a modern version that blends tantra with shamanic sexuality, personal development, kink, BDSM, and fetish.

Above all, he stressed that tantra is embodied rather than learned from books. "Tantra is something that you actually embody," he explained, comparing it to how people can instantly picture "porn style sex." Both are recognizable ways of showing up. To give people a practical framework, he offers four pillars: self-acceptance, self-love, connection, and presence. Attendees in the chat added "mindfulness within a sexual setting," "connecting," and "energy exchange," all of which he affirmed. Any of these, he said, is a valid answer to the question "what is tantra?"

Despite the headlines, Justin estimates only about 10% of tantric teachings involve sex. "Sex sells," so that part gets the attention. What first drew him in was that tantra was the first teaching he found that accepted sexuality instead of saying "don't masturbate," "don't have sex till you get married," or "don't be naked." That acceptance extends to the body and emotions too. "I have a little chub on my belly, and so what," he shared, encouraging people to accept sadness or anger rather than repress them. Self-love, meanwhile, means bringing consciousness to habits, like noticing at a party that drinking "doesn't actually serve me." Guilty vices are fine, he said, and being aware of them is the tantric step.

Breath, Movement, and Sound

Justin named three core tantric tools: breath, movement, and sound. He led attendees through a live exercise, breathing in through the nose into the belly and out through the mouth. A single breath like this, he explained, can regulate the nervous system and help you "take back control of this present moment." Even pausing to take a breath at work is, in his words, "being tantric."

He also led a heart chakra exercise. Attendees placed a hand on their heart, took a few deep breaths, and noticed what emotion arose. During the exercise, Justin discovered his own sadness and grief and said he needed to investigate it further. Without this kind of check-in, he noted, people may carry grief, guilt, or even unacknowledged pride without realizing it.

Presence, Connection, and Letting Love In

Presence means being here now, without baggage from the past or worry about later. Justin's personal practice is walking in his garden, watching butterflies, cats, birds, bees, flowers, and fruit, and thinking, "how dare I ask for anything more… This is life." Presence matters in relationships too. He described a familiar scene: a partner asks "so what do you think?" while you're on your phone, and you answer "uh, I don't know." The same awareness applies at lifestyle parties.

On connection, Justin openly admitted to phone addiction. He rarely puts his phone down, feels anxiety without it, and observed that "everybody's taking their phone into the bathroom." This habit, he argued, disconnects people from their own bodies and emotions.

He also highlighted a common struggle in tantra: receiving love. Many people have trouble accepting compliments, touch, or sex, and try to turn it into a transaction or deflect attention away from themselves. He encourages consciously "letting love in," while noting that some people struggle more with giving love back. On surrender more broadly, he offered a memorable line: "It makes life a lot easier if you don't think you need to write the entire movie script."

White Tantra, Red Tantra, and the Self-Pleasure Ritual

Justin distinguished between two branches. White tantra is the inward journey of tantra yoga, meditation, breathwork, and energy work, and it is not intentionally sexual. Red tantra works intentionally with sexual energy, which doesn't necessarily mean having sex. And in answer to a frequent question, you don't need a partner to practice tantra.

He contrasted masturbation with a "self-pleasure ritual." Masturbation is touching your genitals with the goal of orgasm. A self-pleasure ritual means setting an intention and exploring what feels good with no goal or performance. His example: start at the shoulder, work out a knot, massage triceps sore from a workout, move to the heart, and perhaps feel tender, cry, or reach realizations about your life. Arousal may or may not arise, and if it does, touch slowly. "You can never go too slow in tantra," he said. Dropping the goal of orgasm makes room to notice emotions, arousal, or simply the urge to look at yourself naked, so you can discover what your body, mind, and spirit actually need.

This rests on the idea that sexual energy is a creative force for shaping your life, not just orgasm or reproduction. Before self-pleasure or sex, Justin suggests deciding what you want to create or manifest, such as abundance, healing for a loved one, calling in a dream lover, or a deeper bond with a partner. "You can be selfish with it… You are the creator of your own reality." He paraphrases tantra as "limitlessness" and asks why anyone should assume their current pleasure is the most they can have. That limitlessness reaches beyond sex too: "How much can you love, how vulnerable can you be? How much intimacy can you create" in relationships and friendships alike.

He also shared his first tantra massage experience. At 22, in Germany, during a couple's session with a girlfriend, he asked the practitioner what to do. She replied, "Just breathe and try not to ejaculate," and told him to "just trust me." By breathing deeply in the 7 to 10 seconds before he would normally climax, he felt "a massive expansion of pleasure, of bliss, of just presence, like it was like nothingness." From that he offers a practical exercise for men: during self-pleasure or sex, "hold out and breathe," relaxing the body and letting it open rather than contracting and "squeezing out an orgasm." He distinguished this from semen retention, which he chose not to cover.

Bringing Tantra Into the Lifestyle

For SDC members, one of the most resonant themes was how tantra can transform lifestyle experiences. Justin believes tantra can turn swinging or party experiences that feel like "OK, it was good sex" into ones with depth and connection. Without it, people may end up arguing with a partner or feeling alone, especially as singles.

He observed that swinger parties tend to be dominated by "penetrative," masculine energy, with people competing to be the most "porn star style" or the loudest. He was clear that this isn't bad, but he calls for more feminine, heart-centered, connected energy to bring balance and deeper sexual fulfillment. And yes, tantra can absolutely be practiced in group play. He recalled watching a tantric group in the Orgy Dome at Burning Man ("that's how all good stories start") and being inspired by the palpable energy and vibration they created.

Where There's Horniness, There's Healing

Healing sits at the heart of Justin's work, and his core mantra, repeated for emphasis, is "Where there's horniness, there's healing." He argues that kinks and fantasies are rarely random and often link to past experiences, citing examples like consensual non-consent, hotwifing and cuckolding, and voyeurism and exhibitionism. He shared that he can trace every one of his own kinks to something he experienced and then wanted to re-experience through role play, either with control or without it.

He distinguishes desire from fantasy. A desire is something you want to do in the real world, while a fantasy may be something you wouldn't, couldn't, or legally shouldn't act on, and most fantasies are taboo or "shadowy." Pointing to Pornhub's yearly most-clicked categories, where taboo themes rank high, he noted that people tend to name "safer" fantasies like threesomes, group sex, or public sex when asked directly. People often feel their fantasies are unique, but many are widely shared. His exercise: write down all your fantasies, especially the one you don't want to admit, rate each for shame or fear on a scale of 0 to 10, and simply notice and get to know them. He cautions against sharing the list with a partner unless both people are "really resourced." In his couples work, he uses a guided, consensual process instead, and partners who list 5 to 15 fantasies each often find significant overlap, sometimes discovering that the fantasy one feared would be rejected is actually shared.

Two ways to "light a fire" in a relationship, he says, are honesty about what turns you on and vulnerability. "Vulnerability is the gateway to intimacy," he explained, noting the word comes from the Latin for showing your wound, not weakness. When you show it, someone might "pour salt on that wound" or help heal it.

On the body, Justin has given over 1,000 tantra massages, mostly to women and couples. Citing "the issues are in the tissues," he argues that trauma, shame, guilt, and stuck energy live in muscle and fascia, places talk therapy alone may not reach, and he calls tantra massage the most impactful somatic modality. Techniques include de-armoring and yoni mapping, which means working around the yoni like a clock to find numb or painful spots that may limit openness. Much like crying during a deep-tissue massage, emotional release can happen in the breasts, penis, anal area, or vagina. Tantra massage may involve nudity and genital touch and should only be done with a trusted, skilled practitioner or learned for use with a partner. He also uses mirror work with clients, and many, mostly women, struggle to look into their own eyes or at their bodies, which he calls "so telling about their past and trauma."

Couples Sessions, Group Work, and Festivals

Choosing between a couples session and a group retreat depends on your goal. In a couple's tantra massage, typically the man learns while the facilitator works on the woman, and these sessions often turn into coaching. Many couples have never had a third party listen, stop one from talking over the other, and help each understand the other. Justin recommends every couple have "a therapist, but also a coach or somewhere in this tantric realm."

Group work offers something different. Retreats rotate participants within boundaries and follow a structure of experience, share, integration, and shared meals that builds camaraderie, a "portal" people go through together. Participants won't necessarily be asked to have sex outside their relationship, as the work centers on human connection through practices like eye gazing and breathing together. During one eye-gazing exercise, Justin saw his father's eyes in a stranger's, with the same color and the same wrinkles, and began crying, a reminder of how unexpected emotions surface in group settings.

For beginners weighing a big festival against a small workshop, it comes down to personal preference. Justin went alone, as one of few Americans, to the Tantra Festival in Sweden at Engsbaka, possibly the largest in the world. It brought anxiety and the stress of finding workshop partners, but he welcomed it as a way to see "where I was hiding and where I shined." Smaller workshops can feel intimidating in their own way because they're more intimate.

Inside the Tantra Love Retreat

The Tantra Love Retreat runs November 5 to 8 in Texas Hill Country, about an hour outside Austin, co-led by Justin and Leola, who is based in Austin. It will be roughly their 12th retreat, with masculine and feminine teachers plus assistants. The experience is all-inclusive, with a five-star chef, glamping accommodations, and free-range horses on the property. It is beginner-friendly while also suiting advanced practitioners, and it is balanced among single men, single women, and couples. At the time of recording, one single male spot remained, with spots still open for single women and couples.

Exercises include a nudity experience ("an opportunity to look at what is your story around nudity"), eye gazing, holding each other's hearts, and dancing and moving the body. There are live tantra massage demos, with Justin demonstrating on a woman and Leola on a man, plus teaching so attendees can do it themselves. One of Justin's favorite workshops is called "Naked Church." The retreat welcomes every relationship style, whether monogamous, ethically non-monogamous, or "swinger to the max," and couples can stay together the whole time or choose to do exercises with others. The range runs from "kinky, fun sexuality" to deep healing and playfulness.

Safety and consent are central. All applicants are screened for "sexual IQ" and emotional IQ, meaning an understanding of boundaries and the ability to communicate them, so the group stays safe and can move quickly into deep work. The retreat is clothing optional, participants can watch without participating, step out at any time, and won't face peer pressure. The facilitators appreciate it when someone says they're not ready. Anyone shown in online photos or videos has consented, nobody is recorded without permission, and full discretion is offered: "no one will ever know you're at this retreat."

Recommended Reading, Services, and How to Connect

For those who want to keep learning at home, Justin shared three books. For couples and singles, The Art of Sexual Ecstasy by Margot Anand is a foundational text with illustrated exercises. He and a previous girlfriend made date nights of it, alternating pages aloud and doing the exercises together, an approach he especially recommends when one partner is more interested in tantra than the other. For men, The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida is a classic on polarity and being a man "in a more tantric way." For women, Vagina: A New Biography by Naomi Wolf is, in his words, a page-turner, and he encourages women to develop a self-pleasure practice and connection with the yoni, which he describes as a "sacred space or temple."

In Miami, his services include tantra massage for individuals and couples, bespoke private retreats ranging from three-hour sessions to full days or weekends, and fantasy fulfillment experiences ("imagine if you could safely have whatever fantasy you want to have happen with your partner"). He also offers remote coaching with weekly calls, ongoing access, exercises, and reading materials covering sex, love, intimacy, business, money, and personal growth. His sexual concierge service works like a hotel concierge for the lifestyle, kink, and fetish worl